Proven.

I know, "proven" doesn't really rhyme with "Jenn."  I'm still kind of undecided about how I'm going to reconcile this blog title with my post subjects.  More than anything, the title came about because the words "when" and "again" rhyme with Jenn.  Because that's how my life has felt for the last nineteen months.  When is this going to happen?  Oh, it didn't work this month?  Well, let's try again.  And again.  You get the idea.

So, back to the story.

My ob/gyn called with my test results, and after saying hello, the first words out of her mouth were that she wanted to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist.  This phrasing of "fertility specialist" was technical enough that it didn't really sink in with me, and I didn't get upset right away.  Then she started throwing numbers at me.  My FSH level was 11.2 - high.  My AMH level was low - 0.1.

Then she listed two REs that she recommended, and I frantically scribbled down their names and clinic/hospital affiliations.  At this point, I needed some further explanation about exactly how my high/low my hormone levels were.  I apologize if this is common knowledge, but it definitely wasn't to me at the time!

FSH, or Follicle Stimulating Hormone, is released by the brain early in your cycle.  It tells the ovaries to produce follicles - one of which will turn into a mature egg and be released at ovulation.  If your ovaries are working great on their own, or if lots of follicles are developing with no problem, then very little FSH is generated.  FSH level under 7 is good.  7-10 is above average, but manageable.  Above 10 is high.  To put this in perspective, yes...11.2 is considered high, but it's not until FSH levels reach about 25 that you're considered menopausal or in "ovarian failure."

Then there's AMH.  And I'm still not entirely clear how Anti-Mullerian Hormone does so, but apparently the number is indicative of your ovarian reserve.  Healthy = 0.7 - 1.0.  Under 0.7 = Not so Healthy.  Under 0.3 = Low, and concerning.  Yeah, mine was 0.1.  That's not good.  Not many labs test for AMH, and I haven't been able to find much information on the internet, either.  All I know is that my number was WAY low.

As frustrated as I was with our inability to conceive, I truly believed that all tests would reveal that I was normal.  So in a sense, receiving a diagnosis of the opposite was equally horrifying and a relief at the same time.  I'm not going to lie - it messed with my head.  Realizing that there actually was something wrong with me while trying to be rational about moving forward with our diagnosis...well, that was a new experience for me.