Plan B

Two years of trying. No baby.  No positive pregnancy tests. 

We've informally decided to move forward with the big guns.  In the next month or so, we will be having the conversation we've both been dreading...we're taking my parents up on their offer to help financially with IVF.

I'm still very scared of this process - especially the big What If.  What if it doesn't work?  What then?

But at the same time, I'm also hopeful.  Maybe by this time next year, we'll have a little one.  Whether we're able to do this with no help or with all of the help in the world - well, with a happy end result, the process won't matter.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.  All of the heartache and all of the tears and all of the conflicting emotions will be in the past if we're just able to have a baby.

I'm not saying that we'll forget.  I could never forget what the last two years have been like.  I'll still never be able to watch 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom or even those stupid Kardashians with their inane and uninformed baby talk.  I'll probably be the "go to" person when my friends have questions about getting pregnant, because even though I've never been successful at it, I sure know a hell of a lot about how it works.  But I will be able to move on to the next thing - the baby thing.  Seriously - that sounds so much more fun than the "trying to get pregnant" thing.